Today is day 10 out of 30 and I'm suppose to talk about something I'm afraid of. There's the standard stuff...snakes, spiders, yucky bugs, jelly fish, losing a loved one, DH or my kids getting seriously sick, being alone, etc. All of those things are normal for one to be afraid of, right.
Then there's my fear of fire from when I was little. The fear that required me to have a bag of my most prized possessions packed and sitting next to my bed so I could grab it in case our house caught fire in the middle of the night. I think that fear resulted because a house in our town burned down and some kids were hurt. I didn't know the family, they didn't even live that close to where my parents and I lived, but you had to drive by the house to get to our church and so I was always aware of what had happened.
But I think my biggest fear has to do with being a mom. Am I good enough, am I raising my kids properly, do they know I love them? Lately, WP has been testing the boundaries excessively...probably doesn't help that we have a massive 7 foot tree in the middle of our bay window in the family room full of sparkly lights and ornaments. He's also taken a liking to climbing into CE's swing WHILE she's in it...just a slight no no event. He also figured out this week that Rocko's gate was movable if he just pushed in the right spots and if he could move it far enough, he could access the laundry room. Needless to say, I've been saying "no, no" a lot lately and we've had to spank his bottom when he tries to climb into CE's swing. When this happens, my heart breaks because I'm so scared that I'm scarring him or that he's going to think I'm a mean mommy. He already sees me as the "bad guy" since I'm the one home with him all day and I'm that one that has to discipline him the most. My head tells me that I'm just preventing him from hurting himself...like when he tries to play with the lamp cord but my heart screams stop!
So there it is...my biggest fear. I hope I don't screw them up too much!!
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